The Dark Side of Christmas in a Drug-Induced Oz Way Down Under

Let me set this scene for you. When you enter the Crown Towers in Melbourne, Australia you are greeted by a large cool space with striking black marbled floors. A huge sweeping double staircase, also in black marble, leads to an elevated second floor. The massive lobby, not the check-in lobby mind you, just a huge open space, is presently filled by what for a better description I will call "The Dark Side of Christmas in a Drug-Induced Oz."

My first morning, while breakfasting on the second floor, with a spectacular view across the Yarra River, I heard the Christmas music a couple of times. I could make out Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and a few other saccharine favorites and took no notice. On the way out the steps of the maginificent staircase were crowded with families as I picked my way down to the casino level. Just as I was nearly out of ear shot I heard what sounding like a extremely dirty old man jolly St. Nick and made a mental note to take a closer look when the show was a bit less rugrat infested.

This morning while I enjoyed my morning bowl of muesli and lychee nuts and the morning view, I heard the holiday tinkling begin again and as my meds were just kicking in, this seemed like the appropriate moment to discover what this late Christmas show had to offer. Thankfully, the lobby was nearly empty with absolutely no sugar-charged linoleum lizards to distort my experience. And what an experience it was. First the carousel coughs out a holiday favorite as the cavorting animals circle around. On closer inspection the animals are leaping jaguars, several reindeer with obvious crack habits, some bear/centaur encrusted creature and all of them being ridden (ridden in all of its connotations by a band of what can only be described as the monkeys from the Wizard of Oz without the wings but with some severe anorexia issues.

Somewhere in what was only a 10 minute show there were Can-Can dancers in holiday red and white and flesh; a bright red plastic inflatable Rudolph, which I am told resembles a porn star blow up doll; a Christmas Angel who floated down from the five story high ceiling and I believe wore a Victoria's Secret tong. And finally a return to the LSD carousel where a magic box opened to reveal that Dirty Olde Santa.

I will have to drag Dr. Pauly over to see this display, so that he can put his own unique spin on the Spirit of Christmas Darkness.